It was the best of times, it was the worst of times ... Right now it really feels like that!
I'm honestly kinda conflicted about how I feel about the whole Pennsylvania experience thus far. I know that I'm 100% the one struggling the most with the move and newness of Sayre. Whereas much of my days are the same as being a homemaker in Arkansas, I had fun weekly outings with friends to look forward to; visits from fam or spontaneous day dates with my mom and sisters. I kinda have to choose mind over matter and not let my mind wander there now. I'm pretty sure that would ensue a total breakdown and I'm pretty darn proud of myself for not having one yet!
Tonight I was talking to one of my friends from home, Mandy, and had a small revelation: when I concentrate on normal, mundane tasks or the good going on here with fam and kids, I'm fine. Pretty content actually. It's only when I get centered on myself that I start struggling and getting down in the dumps. What I'm missing out on, who I'm missing out on ... These questions can send me spiraling into a sad, depressing state of ... well, you get the idea.
But for all my peeps wondering how it's going ... I think we're gonna be ok. The rest of my crew has barely noticed a difference. Aaron stays busy with work and activities and the kids just honestly don't act like they've missed a beat! Every once in a while Dalton will say something like "Can Dede come over today?" or "Let's go to Maw's work." and I'll have to fight back tears and remind him they live in Arkansas and we live
But there is good here too. With Aaron's flexible schedule there is lots of togetherness, and lots of family time which is super nice. I know the kids especially love having him around so much. Plus, Aaron really likes his job and is encouraged and energized by his work which has made life a lot better and more enjoyable for all.
I feel like we're settled here after our first month, which has kinda brought relief and a couple freak outs. I'm relieved that I'm finally aware of the "unknown" of moving to the North. I generally know my way around and don't have to use the GPS every time I leave the house. However, it feels more permanent now (semi-permanent), just knowing we'll be here a while. I know God brought us here for a reason. I know He has a plan. I'm trying to not nag Him to death about the whys, which is not one of my strong suits. Ask Aaron.
I think I had kind of romanticized, if you will, what life would be like when we got here. I've had so many people tell me about what moving away did for their marriages, family and faith. I think I subconsciously expected all those things to be the same for us the moment we got here. However, they had to go through some rough times to get there. That's where I am right this minute- but I absolutely see the light at the end of the tunnel.
At home it was so easy to call on my mom or sisters when I needed advice or consoling. I could go do something fun with a friend to take my mind off a situation or talk through something on my mind. But here, it's just really me and the hubs. This has made me go to him more and bring more to the Lord. I know that He is truly calling me closer and that is extremely satisfying. I think I've said this before, or maybe I've written this in my journal (this entry is feeling a little "Dear Diary-ish")but when I'm in my bible studies or having some quiet time in the morning I feel completely at peace and fully content. I've often thought about how I wish I could stay in that state throughout the day. But then someone wakes up and starts screaming for juice or a show and the busyness takes control of the day. In 1 Thessalonians Paul encourages us to "pray continually," and I think that just may be my saving grace. Taking the focus off myself and putting it back on Him.
He is good.
In other news, Aaron's mom and grandmother are flying up tomorrow to be with us for Easter. I could. not. be. more. excited. I know it will just give us such a source of encouragement to have some loved ones here to fill our tanks for the next few days. They'll be here until late Monday afternoon and I'm trying to plan some fun days and some time to just lay low and look at familiar faces. Also, we've asked the whole Arkansas crew up here to come over for Easter lunch and an Egg Hunt so I'm excited about nailing all the details down for that.
I'm thankful for loved ones coming to love on us and get us into month 2. You know I'll let you know how it goes. :)
Lots of love from Pennsylvania.
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